I lay awake in my bed from 12:30 am to 4:00 am – mentally calculating how much sleep I can bank before my alarm goes off at 5:45 am. The more I calculate – the more anxious I get. I reassure myself that, the three hours I got between 9:00 pm and 12:30 am, may be enough to get me through the work day tomorrow. But who am I kidding? So then I start assessing the possibility of calling out sick, knowing that I am going to be dragging at work, gulping coffee to stay awake. Ahhh… the joys of menopausal sleep disruptions.
But – I do not call out sick. I only have a few paid sick hours left in this calendar year and I am afraid to waste it on a ‘tired day’. At my age, the possibility of needing those precious sick hours for something more serious is a real concern. Additionally, I don’t want to be perceived as the old lady who calls out sick all the time, thereby fueling anyone’s bias against the aging population in the workplace. So I get up, splash cold water in my face before stepping in the shower, and prepare for another day at the office, or classroom.
Once I am up and going about my day, I feel great, and I will go so far as to say, I feel energized by going to work, having a real purpose and sense of satisfaction. But I’m not gonna’ lie – by the time I get home at night – I am often exhausted. I am even more embarrassed to say that I am likely to be in my pajamas in bed by 7 pm – because it feels soooo… good! Since I live alone – no one gives me a hard time about it. But I can’t help remembering the days when I would work all day, then go to a four-hour class at night, only to drive for an hour to get home at 11:00 pm.
How would my life be different if I was fully retired? I suppose I would sleep until I woke up with no concern about the number of hours logged in slumber. I could leisurely get up, make my coffee, sit out on the balcony in my comfy Adirondack chair, read the paper, perhaps take a brisk walk and then…. Well – that’s the hard part – I really don’t know what I would do next. I imagine that a lot of people my age may feel the same way. We work all our lives and then what?
Having a plan for retirement beyond the financial aspect is critical. I never cultivated any particular hobby along the way. I was busy working, going to school, raising kids, and never gave a thought to any activity that could be enjoyed in my spare time – because I simply didn’t have any. But once you are done with all that – and it’s time to stop working or at least slow down – what do you fill your time with? And even more important – who am I without my job/work/career? How often do we possibly keep working far beyond the need, just to avoid that very question?
And what if you are single? The Rules of Engagement for Retirement are different: Financially, emotionally, practically and socially. You don’t have any additional pensions to rely on, it can be a very frugal and solitary existence, (although some of my married friends call me “lucky” that I won’t have anyone underfoot). I have learned to love my “aloneness” and actually thrive on it. It’s a good situation to become acquainted with at some point in your life.
When you are single and retired – you are free to travel – but it often means solo travel, unless you are comfortable with group travel. I personally, prefer my independence so it’s not for me. I have noticed, as have other single friends of mine have noted, that other wives in the group often are not appreciative of the attention their husbands, may innocently pay, to those traveling alone. When seated at a group table – you may be the odd person out. I actually prefer a situation that puts me in contact with someone or something new, who I may never have met or experienced otherwise. I’ve been single for so long now, that people know I come alone and thankfully, most seem as comfortable with it as I am.
Mentally preparing for this inevitable stage of life requires time and an increasing acceptance of the changes that aging brings. We live in a society that fights aging every step of the way – and the people who do age, become “invisible” to society. The silent disregard for people aging in the workplace is palpable when you are on the receiving end of it. I am guilty of it myself; I don’t make eye contact with the woman who trudges through her work day with a walker or a cane. I silently wonder why she isn’t at home resting and conserving her energy, instead of trying to navigate a classroom full of students unable to contain their own energy.
No one at either one of my jobs is going to tell me when it’s time to stop. It’s just not done – any employer who actually even implied that – would likely have a lawsuit on their hands. But that doesn’t mean one should keep working until the day they drop. We are not meant for that – and our jobs are meant for the generation that is following us. They are young and still have many years to accomplish their own career goals. How will we know when to step aside and move on to our next stage of life?
Killing It In My Sixties 
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