Killing It In My Sixties

As I drove down the freeway this morning heading to work, I witnessed a blanket of fog laying over a patch of open space. Several redwood tree-tops poked through the fog creating a scene that looked like a snow-covered meadow of Christmas trees. I smiled and thanked my angel guides for reminding me of the beauty in my life. It is extremely hard to ignore/tolerate all the difficulties and tragedies in life, but staying aware of the beautiful gifts, provides a balance that has the ability to restore the light in our hearts.

Yes, I do believe in angels. I always have. Sometimes I forget that they are always with me. Sometimes they are making some pretty loud announcements about being there, and I have brushed them aside. It is when I am calm and quiet – that’s when I know they are there and have important messages for me – I just need to listen/see/feel them. The annoyances and red flags that I have ignored in the past, have unfailingly proved to have been my angels trying to get my attention.

Like when I had a raging eye infection in the days leading up to my third wedding. The whole left side of my face was swollen and my eye, unable to open. Antibiotics helped, but on the morning of the wedding, my eye was raging crimson red again. Looking back, I realize that I was being given a very strong sign that I might be making the wrong choice to marry that man. But – I ignored it – and pushed through. Two disastrous years later, we were headed for divorce.

Or the time I had a miscarriage with my third pregnancy. I had a dream the night before — the doctor told me my baby had died; I was sobbing when I woke and sat up straight in bed in the middle of the night. I knew at that moment that my pregnancy was going to end. Four days later, the sonogram showed a fetus sitting at the bottom of my uterus with no heartbeat. I remember it looked like a lifeless goldfish that had sunk to the bottom of the fishbowl.

A few weeks ago I was unbelievably sad about some family issues and sitting at home feeling rather hopeless.  I noticed that my wind chimes were making more music than they usually do – I went out on my balcony and saw what a beautiful day it was and decided to take a walk.  Inexplicably, I ended up at the cemetery and began walking among the graves, slowly and deliberately up and down each row.  I came upon so many people I knew, who have departed this Earthly world.

My grandparents, aunts and uncles, in-laws, friend’s parents and grandparents, people I once worked with, and friends who had tragically died a much-too-young death. As I stopped before the headstones, I became increasingly aware that each soul had spent the exact amount of time on Earth that was intended for them. They did not consciously choose the day they were born and in most cases, did not likely choose the day they died. I felt my angels guiding me around the cemetery, showing me that I was still among the living, and meant to make the most of each day here in my earthly body. They were showing me, that even through my sadness, my time here – is still to be lived fully each day. And to be appreciated for its beauty, its trials —and its lessons.

I have done some research on angels, and although they are an intangible force – there is much to discover about them.  Angels provide many things to those who believe: Hope, Answers, an Entity of Faith in a Higher Being, and the idea of Heaven and an Afterlife.  Much about angels is based on religious faith, which makes sense to me, since I was raised in the Catholic faith.  Angels are everywhere in the Bible, churches, paintings, sculptures, and other religious artifacts.  But apparently, many who do not subscribe to a particular religion, also accept the notion of angels.

When I say I researched angels – I truly did. In my Bachelor’s Degree program at a Jesuit University, I was required to write a paper with a religious theme. I was raised with a heavily-influenced Catholic doctrine, yet I chose Angels as my paper topic. The clergy person who was my advisor was somewhat unimpressed with my choice, but allowed me the liberty on this topic. I knew I would need to defend my thesis in a way that was scholarly yet spiritually meaningful to me. Despite their skepticism, I earned a perfect score on my paper.

It has been said, and I do believe, that we can increase our awareness of angels by noticing certain occurrences and feelings, like the following:

Bright lights – sometimes a flash, or a flicker. Electrical energy seems prone to providing these luminous signs.

Overwhelming Sense of Love and Peace – usually just comes over you unexpectedly

Grief – and then comfort. Times when it seems you can’t feel any worse and then – a sense of calm emerges.

An overwhelming sense of knowing. Also your gut instinct – trust it!

A person appears in your life – and then disappears. They play a vivid yet brief role.

A voice – when you are completely alone – but distinctly hear a voice – sometimes familiar – sometimes not.

Angels – They Are Among Us. Do you believe?