When we are younger and going through the many stages of adulthood – we may identify as a student, an intern, a newbie employee, and/or a growing career person. From there – we move up the ranks or transition to bigger and better positions and paychecks. Some moves are lateral and some are unwanted, landing you back in the unemployment sector.
On a personal level, we may be a girlfriend, fiancee, bride, wife, mother, and eventually an empty-nester. Each of these phases, form who we are; our values, beliefs and habits. If we are fortunate, we progress on to being a grandparent. That role too, changes us. The rules, ideas and theories we held – now take on a whole new perspective, changed by the unimaginable love we feel for these little ones.
When we are younger, our possessions have a different meaning – they are at times, a measure of our success and alternatively – our failures. The cars we drive, the homes we live in, and the clothes we wear – tell the world a story. Or at least – we think they do. Sometimes – those same things – are trying to portray an image that is not true or real, or even sustainable. Yet, as outsiders looking in – we read them and believe them.
But as we age and grow closer to the later years in our lives, our identities become somewhat blurred, or at the very least – less distinct than when we were younger. We hold on to things longer – change them up less often and settle into predictable patterns. We keep our cars once they are paid for, we stay at our jobs and are more hesitant to be out looking for a change. Moving our place of residence seems more daunting as the years go by, so we are less likely to continue participating in the ever-changing real estate market.
Being a parent no longer requires the 24/7 dedication – our kids are adults and parents themselves. Sure we still worry about them but the responsibility-phase of life is theirs now. We can love and enjoy our grandkids without worrying about enforcing rules, keeping schedules, disciplining them and planning their futures. There is an identity involved in being a grandparent, but it is of our own choosing – what that looks like and how it goes is your choice.
It all sounds great – right? All the big decisions are off our shoulders, we can ease into the ‘golden years’, and enjoy the relative freedom that comes with it. But then – what is our identity? Who am I – if not a wife, mother, teacher, college dean, a great cook, an entertaining hostess, a world traveler, the life of the party or the rabble-rouser? It’s hard to know – especially if the very things that identified you for most of your life – are no longer in play.
I’ve heard it said that we “need to reinvent ourselves” when the landscape changes. I’ve been wondering what that means, and to what extent it is possible. We arrive at this later stage of life, having learned many lessons, (hopefully) and carry with us- the memories of what worked for us and what didn’t. The options are fewer as to what we may morph ourselves into. We are limited by things such as income, physical health, proximity to family, a smaller network, fewer work friendships, and the wisdom gifted by our past experiences. We are less likely to be as spontaneous, becoming more aware of our own limitations.
I have read, heard and experienced the reality of coming into the age of ‘invisible’. Perhaps that is why our identity is more tenuous – we become less and less visible as we age. If others cease to see us – then how are we to view ourselves? When I was younger, being noticed was a part of life – whether it be because of the meal I cooked for a group, my outfit, the new car I was driving, my job performance, my kids, or my spouse, and maybe – my accomplishments. Those were the things that made up our identity for the majority of our life.
But as I enter the “easing-into-retirement” years, – INVISIBLE is the new normal. In some ways that’s really great – people have no crazy expectations of you. You can walk in or out of anywhere and no one notices. I can eat a bowl of cereal for dinner and no one complains or even comments. I can stay in bed all day and it affects NOBODY. I can wear make-up or not – no one would know the difference. It’s freeing on so many levels – it’s helped me care a lot less about so many things.
But it’s hard too. I liked having an identity. I liked dreaming about what lay ahead, and what new goals I could create and achieve. I liked being excited about the things I would do, the places I would go and the people I would meet. And – I’m not gonna lie – I liked being noticed.
So – now I have a new goal – I need to figure out who I want to be for the rest of the days ahead. Onward and upward!
Killing It In My Sixties 
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