Killing It In My Sixties

I am reading an article with a list of all the things I can do to make my day bearable today as a single person —- while all the in-love people in the world celebrate the International Day of Love.  The rather pathetic list includes things like: go to a scary movie, go for a walk, or make yourself a home-made valentine card.  Are lists like this really of any help to single people? I can categorically answer that question – NO.

The reason they are of no value, is because Single People are already living their best life every day.  Being that I am single, I can say this: I don’t have to worry about buying the perfect gift with money I don’t have. I don’t have to fight for a reservation to an overpriced “romantic dinner” at a restaurant.  I am not spending 5 times the usual price for flowers that will be wilted by this time next week, (or stinking up my dining room).  I don’t have to build up my expectations about what my Valentine might get me for a gift, only to be let down. 

Sure – there are times when I wish that I had a special ‘someone’, but I’ve had them in the past, and I know it did not guarantee a day of wine and roses on February 14th, or any other day for that matter.  And I spent many years pining for that knight in shining armor, and then feeling empty when no one arrived on a white horse. Well – NO MORE.

I love that I can live my life the way I want to. Even the smallest decisions of my everyday life – what to eat and when, when to go to bed and get up, and what to spend my money on – are all mine to make – alone.  AND, I can make the life-changing decisions on my own, and live the most authentic, meaningful, fulfilling and rich life just as I choose.  Best of all ~ if I make a misstep – there is no one saying, “I told you so”.

I have been working a lot lately on learning to love my self – first and foremost. It’s not easy – we tend to believe everything we were told growing up that was not good about ourselves. Unfortunately those messages are often reinforced throughout our adult years.  The tapes run continuously, reminding every level of our consciousness that maybe.. just maybe.. they were right – maybe – we actually DO suck.

With the help of an academically educated and trained therapist, I am learning to answer and respond to those messages like I wish they had been when I was very young.  Asking myself – what did I need at those times? What did I believe I deserved in those moments when I was less than perfect? Maybe I can give myself that grace now – that I needed then.

I am realizing all the years I looked for love, validation, security, and grace – I was looking for external validation – which is transient at best.  And yes – it was definitely emphasized on Valentines Day.  So – this year – 2024 – I am spending my V-Day with ME.  I am dressed festively in red, planning a yummy dinner that I will enjoy on my comfy couch under a velvety blanket, while I binge-watch a Netflix series on television. 

Last night, I got together with seven of my favorite female friends and we had our own “Galentines Dinner”, had a delicious potluck meal, special dessert and a clothing swap night. We all went home with less of our own old clothes and took home fun new stuff we never knew we needed or wanted. 

I love being social, going to parties, out to dinner, cocktails with friends, and weekends away.  I do all of that with my gal-pals or by myself now.  When I stopped focusing on who was going to love me – it gave me the time and space to learn how to love myself.

Happy Valentines Day to YOU!