Killing It In My Sixties

Okay – let’s just say it’s been a while since I had a first date. I have not actively pursued dating in a few years – I am actually quite content with my life and it no longer feels like something is missing that I need to seek out. I did, however, date quite a lot in the years before that – some were from dating sites, some were friend-referred dates, some were chance meetings in the grocery aisle that led to an exchange of phone numbers.

So… lots of first dates, not quite as many second dates, and some that developed into something a little, or a lot – longer. I have been thinking about the whole dynamic involved in dating ever since I started listening to a different radio station in the morning on my way to work. The drive takes about 20 minutes from 7 am to 7:20 am. This happens to be the time that STAR 103 FM runs their morning show feature called, “Second Date Update”, with hosts Marcus and Corey.

Here is the premise: someone has written to them describing a great first date they had, but then they have been ghosted by the other person for some unknown reason. Apparently this bothers said person so much, that they feel compelled to ask the radio hosts to intervene for them. The morning feature starts out by talking to the rejected, (or ghosted) person, who describes the first date. He or she usually says they had a great time, good chemistry, and sometimes even a kiss goodnight – but then – ZIP-NADA-NO-CALL-BACK.

So – Next they call the other person, and let them know they are on the radio and just following up for the other person. At this point – the OTHER side of the story bleeds out. This is the entertaining part of the segment. While the first person has described a blissful beautiful experience – the other side gets real about how it actually went down.

One occasion, the girl was totally grossed out by the guys toenails when they went to take a walk on the beach after dinner. Another guy saw his date go off on the barista who made her coffee wrong. And another; a girl described her date pushing back from the table at the restaurant and burping loudly after a meal, while very obviously unbuttoning and unzipping his pants to make himself more comfortable.

One girl just couldn’t handle that her date had a flip-phone. She just decided this was not a progressive enough guy for her. Another guy was freaked out by his date wanting to get crazy and go get tattoos that night. And one was a woman who offered to so split the dinner bill but he insisted on paying the whole check. After paying he proceeded to complain about all the expensive food she ordered – literally going through the bill, item by item.

Now all of these ghostings make sense to me. What amazes me is how completely unaware the other person was of their behavior! Not only that – for the most part they were indignantly defensive of their actions. I could easily tie these situations up with a neat little bow by saying – “There is someone for everyone – but not this one”.

I think they are called red flags – signs that this isn’t going to go anywhere and no further contact will be tolerated. The questionable part is the ghosting. I mean – we live in a time where you can send a polite text like, “Thanks for the get-together. I want to be honest and let you know that I was not feeling any connection that I would be interested in continuing. I hope you find success in future endeavors.” Then block the number if need be. YES – people – you CAN avoid an awkward situation by just sending a message!

Sure – maybe the guy will get a pedicure and fix his toenails, or the angry girl at the coffee shop will continue being a pain in the ass to whoever attempts to make her coffee, and possibly the burping guy will get laughs from his buddies at the pub- but quite likely – not from another date. Or maybe someone with equally ugly feet, and bad temper with too-tight pants – will meet their soul mate and progress to date number two.

In the meantime, I will continue to look forward to this daily radio show, and be thankful that it’s not me calling or … being called.