Killing It In My Sixties

Who would have thought that I would finally learn to love myself in high school? Not when I was a teenager, when peer pressure, cliques, gossip and a bad reputation can ruin a young girl, but at the age of 64. I can’t believe it – but it’s true – I went back to the high school I graduated from 47 years ago, to work in the front office this past year. And after years of chasing my elusive self-esteem – I learned to finally accept myself as I am.

As I watched our Senior class graduate yesterday; and said my farewells, took numerous photos to capture the sweet memories of the day and hugged everyone with promises of staying in touch – it hit me. These students, who had embraced me and crept into my heart – they were the role models that I had needed all along.

These unique individuals accepted me for exactly who I am – no pretenses, day in and day out. We greeted each other throughout the days, weeks and months. Some days were good – some were hard – some were hilariously fun and others were intense grueling work. I had made a commitment to myself when I started the job, that I would endeavor to make their days at school as positive as possible.

I made a point of saying good morning or hello to every student whenever and wherever I saw them. I always told them to make it a great day – even while I was writing a Tardy Slip for them. When a student would loiter in my office – I would strike up a conversation – ask questions to draw them out – I got to know them as a person.

What is now a bit surprising to me is that all the while – I thought I was helping them. But the truth is I learned from them. I watched these young men and women advocate for their identity, their voice, their opinions and values. This era of students is NOTHING like my generation.

At their age, I was incredibly self-conscious, had severe body image issues, never spoke up for myself and developed a people-pleasing personality in an attempt to be accepted and belong. I was popular – but I was convinced that I had to work at it. Students today are confident, advocate for themselves, and – not only accept their bodies – they embrace and wear them proudly. They don’t care what people think – they are supremely confident in living their life – their way.

Late for school? They tell you honestly that they needed extra sleep more than they needed their chemistry class. They have a headache and need to go home? They go. I grew up with terrible migraine headaches, but would never tell anyone, complain or ask to go home. I cared too much if it would inconvenience my parents or teachers. My mantra was, “keep the peace”.

It occurred to me a couple days ago – that I was still trying to conform to the rules and be a “good girl”. I had taken my grandkids to the movie and boldly packed a backpack filled with drinks and snacks from home, My annoying little rule-follower personality had always obeyed the rules and bought the insanely expensive movie concessions. But I thought – when students don’t agree with a rule – they challenge it and advocate for what is best for them. They had unknowingly taught me that I needed to do the same.

Because they were so comfortable in their own selves – I felt comfortable enough to be my imperfect self – a little goofy, a lot uncoordinated and with an aging body and face. They didn’t care what I looked like – they cared that I loved them – unconditionally. These wonderful kids had taught me to find my own voice. By being utterly and confidently themselves – they were role models for me to follow their lead.

Learning to love yourself – it IS the greatest gift of all.