Killing It In My Sixties

Just after the turn of the century – January 1, 2002, I wrote a Bucket List on my flight home from New York City. I had spent New Year’s Eve in Times Square with thousands of other exuberantly celebrating people, waiting for the huge crystal ball to drop at the stroke of midnight. It was one of those iconic things you dream of doing – at least once in your life. A bucket-list item to check off.

I was coming out of a very painful divorce and was in a very contemplative mood flying at 32,000 feet – reflecting on what may lie ahead for me. The concept of a “bucket list” was new at that time, so I decided to write my own list – goals that I would challenge myself to accomplish. And I decided not to limit myself at all – whether it was whimsical or a big hairy audacious goal – I would invest in making it happen. My first on the list was to complete my Bachelors degree and the last item was to take up tap dancing lessons,

That Bucket list served as my motivational guide for the next ten years, and took me to Italy, Greece, and Paris, earned myself not only a Bachelor’s degree but a Master’s as well, and I did get tap shoes and take lessons one year! Many other things – big and small as well. So recently, I’ve been wondering if I need another Bucket List – but I realized there are more things in life that I want to commit to NOT doing – than things I want to accomplish.

I am coming up on my sixty-fifth birthday and my dreams have transitioned to a new level. A level that places self-awareness higher on my list than the prior more tangible accomplishments. The list for now, is more laser-focused – on what I no longer want or need in my life, in order to cultivate my inner peace as I age. In other words – The Anti-Bucket list:

I no longer will allow myself to lose sleep over things I cannot control. Things like: what other people think of me, how other people want to manipulate me for their interests, or whether or not I am skinny enough for someone else’s standards. I will never have any type of surgery unless it is life-saving or medically necessary. I will never again subject myself to sitting in a beauty salon every three hours to cover up my gray hair, just because society says I should want to look younger.

I will not inundate my body with junk food, sugary snacks and alcohol anymore. I will not sit around my house after work and think about how tired I am – I will get out and walk every single day – making use of the body that the good Lord gave me. I will not stay out or up late, just to prove I’m not an old fuddy-daddy – being well-rested feels TOO good! I will not, try to have friendships or relationships with people who allow me to feel anything less-than – in any situation.

I will not pretend something doesn’t bother me when it does. Instead – I will reflect on why I feel that way and then take positive action rather than lashing out or ghosting. I will no longer make pleasing someone else more important than doing what is best for me, my mental health and my daily life. I will not waste my time trying to make someone like me – instead I will tell those who show up in my life – how much I love and appreciate them.

I won’t wish away these days away, longing for things that I don’t have or weren’t meant for me. And most of all – I will never again – try to be – ANYONE – other than who I am.