Killing It In My Sixties

In 47 days, I will turn the very exciting age of 65.  I am exhilarated about it for a number of reasons; number one – I lived this long. (Not everyone is blessed in this way).  Number two – I am now an official Medicare recipient – this is a moment I have been waiting for, for a very long time.  Relying on health benefits provided by an employer has driven my choices and decision making since 2016.  Number three – finally – after years of looking for love, (yeah – sometimes in all the wrong places), I am content to live my life for myself on my own terms.  I have stopped looking – if I am supposed to have a partner in life – then it’s going to have to hit me like a lightning bolt. Literally.

I am slowly realizing that all of these things are finally giving me the freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want, and wherever the road takes me.  Of course – living this way requires the courage to do things – some things, anything, everything – ALONE.  I used to wait to do the things I loved – until I had a special someone to do it with.  Whether it was going to a movie, going out to dinner for an elegant meal, receiving a beautiful bouquet of flowers, or to travel to all of the places that I wanted to visit and explore.  To some of you – that may not sound like a big deal. To others, it may resonate deeply – resurrecting feelings of insecurity, loneliness, and/or fear of the unknown.  I have had many solo experiences – yet I still struggle with those feelings almost every time I embark on a solo activity.

The first time I went to a movie, I sat in the very back of the theatre where I could go mostly unnoticed. I felt self-conscious laughing at funny parts, since no one was there to laugh with me.   Gradually – I started going to movies without caring that I was alone – one of the benefits is that if you hate the movie – you can just leave. And now – I laugh out loud without a care about what anyone thinks.  Sure – there is no one to talk about it with afterwards – but if I feel the need – I can pretend to be a movie critic and write about it.  

As far as receiving flowers – of course I used to love it when someone surprised me by having flowers delivered to my office or my doorstep.  But why should I live without flowers or sit around waiting for a delivery?  Not anymore – now – every Sunday when I go grocery shopping, I pick out the most beautiful bouquet of flowers – usually roses – in the most gorgeous color available – and I buy them for myself. I go home, and after unloading all the groceries, I lovingly arrange the flowers in a crystal-clear sparkling vase and place them prominently on the dining room table to remind myself all week that I deserve to receive beautiful things – even from myself.

I am Italian – I love great food, good wine and beautiful presentations of delectable dishes.  I love to eat slowly and savor the appearance of the food before me, the smell of the spices melding together in perfect balance, and the ability to truly appreciate the chef’s brilliance without distraction – all these elements bring me so much joy.  But – I’m not going to lie – it can feel extremely awkward to dine alone in a nice restaurant. A place that is usually filled with romantic couples or lively groups of people. It seems to shout out loud into the rafters, “I am alone! No one loves me enough to go out to eat with me”.  In, the past few years, when I have pushed myself to go to nice restaurants alone, I usually chose an establishment that had a bar or a high counter – always facing away from the rest of the diners. NO eye contact = no awkward pitiful looks.  And fortunately – in today’s world – it is fairly common to find a restaurant with a bar/counter option.

Last weekend – I had it all planned – I went to a small French bistro near my home early in the evening with my eye on a seat at the small counter.  I had strategized that I could enjoy a glass of wine and a bowl of soup quietly without being noticed.  Upon arrival – I was told that the counter was not available and that they had a table for me in the dining room.  I protested, “no-no-no I can wait or come back”.  The waiter and owner would have none of that!  They showed me to a pretty little table for one, covered in a white tablecloth with a view of the whole restaurant and open kitchen. Out in the open —  yet somehow intimate and private just for me.  I forced myself to not look at my phone, and so I had nothing else to do but to enjoy my surroundings.  Once at a table – I decided not to waste the occasion, and ordered a full gourmet meal. rich French onion soup,  a basket of bread with a cold crock of French butter, seared scallops in a gorgeous light cream sauce atop a pillow of house made pasta, paired wines, and a salted caramel gelato for dessert that was lovingly drizzled with extra virgin olive oil.  

The owner and staff treated me with the utmost respect and appreciation for the entirety of my meal and brought me a complimentary glass of French port to thank me for coming.  Not once did I feel awkward or self-conscious – in fact many other patrons smiled and nodded as I looked about the restaurant.  What a wonderful first experience to have!  Never again will I settle for a bowl of cereal at home, when what I really want is a nice meal at a great restaurant.  I have carried the wonderful feeling of that dinner with me for the past five days.

This solo experience got me thinking about what else I was passing up in life, just because I am not part of a couple?  Travel comes to mind.  As a single person with lots of ‘coupled’ friends, planning a travel adventure can be difficult.  I have traveled alone before – but it’s been a while – and I need to flex that muscle again – I don’t want to miss out on the many places I want to explore, just waiting to have a travel partner.  They may not want to go where I want to go. They may not want to linger in a piazza with a cappuccino for hours, they may not want to wander the shoreline path of the Arno river in Florence to see where it goes, and they may not want to drive wherever the road takes them until it feels right to stop.

These thoughts surrounding solo experiences have inspired a new direction for my blog.  Writing has not come easy this year due to several painful losses – and I needed a fresh idea and reason for my writing.  So – I am trying out some new Blog titles with a focus on a woman over 60, traveling solo – both locally and abroad.  It is my desire to inspire other women to have adventures and do ‘all the things’ – don’t let anything hold you back – be fearless and bold! My dad traveled solo frequently in his life – I always admired that about him – but I was always afraid as a woman to do the same. No more!  My intention is to document my solo travels and highlight the places that are welcoming and wonderful for independent women on the move.

Please join me!