Killing It In My Sixties

I have always been a people pleaser – often to my own detriment. I felt, on a level – deeper than my own consciousness, that it was the only way to assure that people would like me. It was so ingrained in me, that I would say yes even though my stomach was churning, my inner voice was screaming, “NO”, and my head was already spinning ways to escape the situation. Example: “We’d like to hire you, but the company is trying to balance our annual budget, so we can only offer the lowest end of the pay scale at this time, despite your obvious qualifications.” Me: “I understand and accept your offer – thank you”. All the while thinking – “you idiot!”

Fortunately, taking a job that you are overqualified for because of your own insecurities, is something that can be undone. You have options – you can accept the job and negotiate for higher pay after your probationary period has passed. Or you can continue to seek employment where you will be reimbursed appropriately for your experience, education and skills. But there are plenty of other situations in which I have said ‘YES’ and not been able to extricate myself gracefully.

Small examples of saying Yes when you really want to say no are: yes to going camping – when you know in your heart of hearts – that you HATE camping. Or Yes to the wedding dress that your mother likes rather than the one you have always dreamed of. And the ever popular, “Are you comfortable with – (fill in the blank)? Inner voice: Just say Yes and don’t cause any trouble!

Huge examples of saying Yes when saying No would be the obvious choice: Saying yes to a marriage proposal because you fear that this might be the last man on Earth to ever love you. I have said Yes to an engagement ring for this exact reason – and more than once if you can believe it! How sad that I valued myself so weakly that I actually went through with the marriages!

But, after over sixty years of people-pleasing and hearing myself say Yes to all the wrong questions – a switch clicked in my head. Through a lot of therapy and spending time alone really asking myself, “What do YOU really want?” – I learned to pay attention to how those yes’s made me feel. And the number one question to always ask: “Are you just saying Yes to be nice and ‘go along to get along?“

Turning sixty five was a pivotal moment or, more accurately, a series of moments that kept gnawing at my heart. I know it sounds morbid but I knew that from this point forward – every day was a gift and that if I didn’t start living my life my way – I may miss the chance completely. People my age die every day and if today were my last – what would I regret?

So….. Saying Yes To Everything 2.0! This time around it means saying yes to what I want, what I have previously been afraid of, of what may not ever be offered again, of what might embarrass me, what other people may laugh at, to not wearing makeup everyday, to buying a bike and riding it even if I look like the wicked witch woman on Wizard of Oz, to speaking the complete and utter truth All. THE. TIME. Every time.

I retired two months ago and saying yes has become one of my favorite new hobbies. Yes to chaperoning a bus full of kids to Disneyland, Yes to every ride I was too afraid to go on before, Yes to sliding down waterslides with my grandkids at Great Wolf Lodge, Yes to looking like an egghead in a teacher’s skit at school, Yes to booking the trips I have been putting off because of every excuse known to man, and YES to saying No when it doesn’t serve my well being.

My new era of saying Yes to everything has brought a new feeling of excitement about what lies ahead in my lifetime – whether it’s six months or thirty years. I am going to make every minute the best it can be. For Me.